Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore
I wouldn't leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I'll take the bad times
I'll take you just the way you are
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you
I said I love you, and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you aren't not seem to care
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you
I said I love you, and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Insane, Mad, Crazy, Nuts, Siao, Psy
For the past few months, I think I am driving myself nuts thinking of my future...
First, I am like so desperate to get hitched to Baku that I kept pestering him about R.O.M in 2005 instead of 2006. But at the same time, I am worried of married life. I am scared of how married life would turn out especially when I grew up not sharing stuff. I simply can't imagine waking up freaking out to see Baku next to me every, single day of my life! Yes, I do love him and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with me... But, I am not sure how I would get used to married life.
Secondly, I wish that I could be pregnant. Really excited about the gestation period and how such a miracle of a life is growing inside you. Very fascinated of how God creates a life that may resemble you and how you + baby shares the same circulatory system, gastrointestinal system and urinary system. However, I am fearful of the part of child-birth (the pain) and the kid turning out to be like a little, noisy, irritating 'rascal'... Also very afraid of the kid growing up to be someone who may let you down...
Thirdly, been wondering if I would die a premature death... It would be nice to leave the world to paradise because, the world ain't as perfect as I would have thought it to be. It would be nice to not experience anymore disappointment, sadness, grieve, anger, fear of the unknown or pain. On the other hand, no one really does know how happens after death occurs. Is there really Heaven and Hell? Will I be able to meet Him and be with Him for eternity? Is there such thing as re-carnation? Would my death be sudden or a slow and painful one? What would I die of? CA? Old age? Respiratory Failure? Cardiac Arrest? In an accident? HIV (Job Hazard)? Suicide? What and would people I have known throughout my life remember me as? Or would they forget me? Or would they be happier that I died? Would I be with Baku after I die?
Last but not least thing that lingers on my mind, what I do I want to achieve in my life and career? Answer: Unknown
It is not that I am an aimless person, just that I haven't thought of anything that would be perfect for me to do and that I would be truly happy doing. There are some things that I dream of doing has its pros and cons. There are some things that I always wanted to do is unrealistic. Guess that I can be perceived as quite a pessimistic person who has low self-confidence and low self-esteem... *Sigh*
First, I am like so desperate to get hitched to Baku that I kept pestering him about R.O.M in 2005 instead of 2006. But at the same time, I am worried of married life. I am scared of how married life would turn out especially when I grew up not sharing stuff. I simply can't imagine waking up freaking out to see Baku next to me every, single day of my life! Yes, I do love him and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with me... But, I am not sure how I would get used to married life.
Secondly, I wish that I could be pregnant. Really excited about the gestation period and how such a miracle of a life is growing inside you. Very fascinated of how God creates a life that may resemble you and how you + baby shares the same circulatory system, gastrointestinal system and urinary system. However, I am fearful of the part of child-birth (the pain) and the kid turning out to be like a little, noisy, irritating 'rascal'... Also very afraid of the kid growing up to be someone who may let you down...
Thirdly, been wondering if I would die a premature death... It would be nice to leave the world to paradise because, the world ain't as perfect as I would have thought it to be. It would be nice to not experience anymore disappointment, sadness, grieve, anger, fear of the unknown or pain. On the other hand, no one really does know how happens after death occurs. Is there really Heaven and Hell? Will I be able to meet Him and be with Him for eternity? Is there such thing as re-carnation? Would my death be sudden or a slow and painful one? What would I die of? CA? Old age? Respiratory Failure? Cardiac Arrest? In an accident? HIV (Job Hazard)? Suicide? What and would people I have known throughout my life remember me as? Or would they forget me? Or would they be happier that I died? Would I be with Baku after I die?
Last but not least thing that lingers on my mind, what I do I want to achieve in my life and career? Answer: Unknown
It is not that I am an aimless person, just that I haven't thought of anything that would be perfect for me to do and that I would be truly happy doing. There are some things that I dream of doing has its pros and cons. There are some things that I always wanted to do is unrealistic. Guess that I can be perceived as quite a pessimistic person who has low self-confidence and low self-esteem... *Sigh*
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentine's Day
Today is 14 Feb, Valentine's Day has came again...
Just came back home after the celebration with my Baku. We started the day by going to K Box at Tampines for a little karaoke. Then, we proceeded to eat Fish & Co. for dinner at Tampines Mall.
Recieved a bouquet of Blue Roses (12 of them) my, favourite rose, favourite colour of rose and lastly, my favourite number.
Alas, the day has ended and here I am back at home typing this blog. Thus, I have to wait for another 365 days before the next Valentine's Day. *Sigh* Hope that until then, I would be able to celebrate it...
Just came back home after the celebration with my Baku. We started the day by going to K Box at Tampines for a little karaoke. Then, we proceeded to eat Fish & Co. for dinner at Tampines Mall.
Recieved a bouquet of Blue Roses (12 of them) my, favourite rose, favourite colour of rose and lastly, my favourite number.
Alas, the day has ended and here I am back at home typing this blog. Thus, I have to wait for another 365 days before the next Valentine's Day. *Sigh* Hope that until then, I would be able to celebrate it...
Saturday, February 12, 2005
A Letter From Heaven
Dear Mom,
I am in Heaven now... How much I wanted to be your little girl but I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw that I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.
One day you cried almost all of the day. I felt hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean 'Monster' came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The 'monster' got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't scream anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now Icouldn't, al lmy dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heartbreaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. It is no use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.The angel took me away to a wonderful place.
Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thingwas that killed me. He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is, but I guess that's the name of the 'monster'.I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the 'monster' was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn'twant to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful...
I am in Heaven now... How much I wanted to be your little girl but I don't quite understand what has happened. I was so excited when I began realizing my existance. I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw that I had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my earliest days, I felt a special bonding between you and me.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard Daddy yelling back. I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much.
One day you cried almost all of the day. I felt hurt for you. I couldn't imagine why you were so unhappy. That same day, the most horrible thing happened. A very mean 'Monster' came into that warm, comfortable place I was in. I was so scared, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The 'monster' got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming, "Mommy, Mommy, help me please! Mommy, help me." Complete terror is all I felt. I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn't scream anymore.
Then the monster started ripping my arms off. It hurt so bad; the pain i can never explain. It didn't stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop. I screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. Though I was in such complete pain, I was dying. I knew I would never see your face or hear you say how much you love me.
I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now Icouldn't, al lmy dreams were shattered. Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heartbreaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. It is no use now, for I was dying a painful death. I could only imagine the terrible things that they had done to you. I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I didn't know the words you could understand. And soon, I no longer had the breath to say them; I was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place. I was still crying, but the physical pain was gone.The angel took me away to a wonderful place.
Then I was happy. I asked the angel what was the thingwas that killed me. He answered, "Abortion. I am sorry, for I know how it feels."
I don't know what abortion is, but I guess that's the name of the 'monster'.I'm writing to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I wanted to live. I had the will, but I couldn't; the 'monster' was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know I tried to stay with you. I didn'twant to die. Also, Mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, I love you and I would hate for you to go through the kind of pain I did. Please be careful...
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
CNY First Day
Woah, I just came back from a long day of visiting. I left my house at 11am with my parents and my Baku.
Collected quite a number of red packets... But still lesser than I had received compared to last year. Counted the total 'earnings' and as expected, it is lesser than I had hoped for. What to do bad economy...
Kind of relunctant to go back to work on Friday as well for the weekends, because most my friends especially my Baku has a long break from his work. He doesn't need to return to work until Tuesday. That also means, I won't be able to spend more time with him anymore. However, I also thank God for giving me the time to take care of Baku after he was discharged from hospital on 5 Feb 2005.
So tired now... Think I better get some rest as I have another long day tomorrow of running around visiting Baku's relatives again.... Good nitez!
Collected quite a number of red packets... But still lesser than I had received compared to last year. Counted the total 'earnings' and as expected, it is lesser than I had hoped for. What to do bad economy...
Kind of relunctant to go back to work on Friday as well for the weekends, because most my friends especially my Baku has a long break from his work. He doesn't need to return to work until Tuesday. That also means, I won't be able to spend more time with him anymore. However, I also thank God for giving me the time to take care of Baku after he was discharged from hospital on 5 Feb 2005.
So tired now... Think I better get some rest as I have another long day tomorrow of running around visiting Baku's relatives again.... Good nitez!
Friday, February 04, 2005
Bad Luck Day
Woah, today I had one of those 'bad-luck' days... Let's see... The day started at 0530hrs!
1) I missed the train to work and had to end up paying the midnight surcharge for a cab. That costed me S$18.00
2) When I reached SGH, I wanted to withdraw cash of $20 but ended up withdrawing $50 instead 'cause I pressed the wrong button.
3) Thus, I had to deposit back the extra money, that when I forgot to take my debit card from the machine. It took me until 11am that I found out that I had lost the card. Of course, by that time, my card is GONE forever... Hence, I had to ask for a replacement which costed me $10.50 for the replacement fee...
4) After work, I had to rush home and needed a cab again. I got a cab easily but there was a long traffic jam on the highway.
5) The moment I reached home, I accidentally banged my forarm twice against the wall, leaving two bruise. Ouch!
Hopefully, the home delivery at 1930hrs won't add on to the 'bad-luck' list for today... *Sigh*
1) I missed the train to work and had to end up paying the midnight surcharge for a cab. That costed me S$18.00
2) When I reached SGH, I wanted to withdraw cash of $20 but ended up withdrawing $50 instead 'cause I pressed the wrong button.
3) Thus, I had to deposit back the extra money, that when I forgot to take my debit card from the machine. It took me until 11am that I found out that I had lost the card. Of course, by that time, my card is GONE forever... Hence, I had to ask for a replacement which costed me $10.50 for the replacement fee...
4) After work, I had to rush home and needed a cab again. I got a cab easily but there was a long traffic jam on the highway.
5) The moment I reached home, I accidentally banged my forarm twice against the wall, leaving two bruise. Ouch!
Hopefully, the home delivery at 1930hrs won't add on to the 'bad-luck' list for today... *Sigh*
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
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