Here I am at my fiance's house on MC. Been down with a cough and gastritis for the past one week, yet struggling to work just because I don't want to affect my performance appraisal. But, can't take it anymore, feel so sick and so unwell. Sick in the sense that I am sick of everyday dragging my feet even though I am unwell and so tired to work. Not only that, when I reach my workplace, my adrenaline automatically takes over and I work myself to become more tired as well as feeling more ill by the end of the day.
The point is that what is the use of myself sacrificing so much to my work when no one does really respect or even appreciates you. Then, when u fall ill, everyone thinks you are faking it and blames you for being lazy or being weak.
Feel like breaking my contract, but then again, I can't. If I do that I will have to pay back around 15k for the indemnity. 15K, not a small sum of money, wouldn't want to burden my parents also as they also don't have a stable income. That makes me in another words, the sole breadwinner of the family. However, I am totally condemn working in where I work now. The institution totally is horrible with poor management.
I feel so 'cheated'! Before signing the contract 5years ago when I was still 17years old, they 'painted' me a beautiful picture, telling me of various career prospects as well as career achievements. They even promised me that I would stay in the department of my interest for the next few years.
Now, that is like bullshit! I have been transferred twice already and I was in the department of my liking for only one year. My career advancement is delayed because of my MC rate. (By the way, it seems like one is promoted due to low MC and not by how capable or how efficient you are at work.) My career prospect are like so unseen...
Really feel like giving up but I can't... Feel so miserable. Hope that my contract would end faster so that I can wash my hands off working for that institution and look for a better place to work. A better place that would have better management and allow me to show my talent in the area of my interest.
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Xing Fu Nu Ren
Haiz... most of the people that I know are getting either R.O.M or married making me feel like my R.O.M is so far away. I really envy those 'Xing Fu Nu Ren' who are happily married or going to step into this new phrase of their lives.
R.O.M is like bringing the current relationship that you are having to a brand new level. Sure, I know that being in love is easy but staying in love is a totally a different thing. But I believe if a couple is deeply and truly in love, no matter how bad an argument can get, they will still be able to overcome all odds to maintain the marriage.
R.O.M is like stepping into a new phrase of life: Married Life. That means taking on new challenges in life. Just like growing up from teenage years to adulthood. No more flirting, no more immature ideas or thinking and lastly, no more playing around.
R.O.M is like making every girls' dream come true. I mean, which girl wouldn't want to have a happy marriage and be happily married to the right guy that she really loves? Which girl wouldn't dream of securely her relationship to the guy she truly loves?
R.O.M is like a way of 'confirming' that you want to spent the rest of your live with the one you love. (Provided that the other party doesn't have any change in character or in terms of feelings for you.) I have a found the right guy, whom I want to spend the rest of my adulthood and elderly years with. I am confident that he will treat me well and love me for the rest of his life, even if I am bed-bound, have pressure sores all over, on naso-gastric tube, on indwelling urinary catheter and maybe need a respirator just to maintain my fragile life.
*Sigh* although no matter how eager I am, I still got to wait until next year. But good things are worth waiting for, right? *Winks*
R.O.M is like bringing the current relationship that you are having to a brand new level. Sure, I know that being in love is easy but staying in love is a totally a different thing. But I believe if a couple is deeply and truly in love, no matter how bad an argument can get, they will still be able to overcome all odds to maintain the marriage.
R.O.M is like stepping into a new phrase of life: Married Life. That means taking on new challenges in life. Just like growing up from teenage years to adulthood. No more flirting, no more immature ideas or thinking and lastly, no more playing around.
R.O.M is like making every girls' dream come true. I mean, which girl wouldn't want to have a happy marriage and be happily married to the right guy that she really loves? Which girl wouldn't dream of securely her relationship to the guy she truly loves?
R.O.M is like a way of 'confirming' that you want to spent the rest of your live with the one you love. (Provided that the other party doesn't have any change in character or in terms of feelings for you.) I have a found the right guy, whom I want to spend the rest of my adulthood and elderly years with. I am confident that he will treat me well and love me for the rest of his life, even if I am bed-bound, have pressure sores all over, on naso-gastric tube, on indwelling urinary catheter and maybe need a respirator just to maintain my fragile life.
*Sigh* although no matter how eager I am, I still got to wait until next year. But good things are worth waiting for, right? *Winks*
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
4 Him
The day you came into my life will be cherished always.
An angel sent from heaven above for my lonely heart to hold.
My heart is no longer lonely, but instead, filled with the wonder of a love like I’ve never known.
When you first held me, it was magical!
A touch no other but my soulmate could provide.
Truly the passion needed no words.
Your kiss on my lips is something I long for each day.
With a single kiss the intensity of your love so incredibly clear!
Your eyes melt me with emotion so intense it is beyond belief.
A caring and unconditional love that shines from themthat makes me shiver with excitement for our life to come.
Each day your smile fills my heart with a joy like no other.
Oh but to have you in my life is truly a blessing!
On the day we wed...
I promise to you yet again my unconditional love and devotion.
For I will cherish each day that God gives me with you, our own little piece of heaven on earth.
I will love you always.
An angel sent from heaven above for my lonely heart to hold.
My heart is no longer lonely, but instead, filled with the wonder of a love like I’ve never known.
When you first held me, it was magical!
A touch no other but my soulmate could provide.
Truly the passion needed no words.
Your kiss on my lips is something I long for each day.
With a single kiss the intensity of your love so incredibly clear!
Your eyes melt me with emotion so intense it is beyond belief.
A caring and unconditional love that shines from themthat makes me shiver with excitement for our life to come.
Each day your smile fills my heart with a joy like no other.
Oh but to have you in my life is truly a blessing!
On the day we wed...
I promise to you yet again my unconditional love and devotion.
For I will cherish each day that God gives me with you, our own little piece of heaven on earth.
I will love you always.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Missing All My Close Friends...
Here I am at home during my off day surfing the net and at the same time awaiting for my fiance to wake up (he is such a pig, always sleeping until the sun BBQ his butt). Surfing the net means I am checking out my friends' blog...
Suddenly, I had this feeling of missing them overwhelming me... I mean, we have all grown up, reached our adulthood and started the journey of achieving different career paths. Even one of my close friend is overseas, which means I can't meet up with her for Starbucks or for a meal to chat as well as to catch up. Another one is cramming her time for studies and exams, so there goes another Starbucks chance...
As for me, I work shifts, thus, it is also hard for me to arrange meetings with friends, family, BGR and for my own leisure. (Really sometimes wonder why people must suffering working and earning big bucks just to maintain a happy life. Why must there be money to weigh us down?)
Anyway, below is a list of friends I really miss a lot.
1) Chung Woon- I really miss those time we shared our F&N knowledge and trying out each other's food after F&N classes. Not to forget singing songs at the top of our lungs just to ventilate any stress and frustrations we had. Come to think of it, it was pretty fun 'cause every time we start singing we were frowning and after a few songs, we start smiling then laughing ourselves silly. Miss also the times were I whine to you about BGR problems and how that person (you know who) irritates me by rebuking me with his sarcastic remarks until I am lost for words or horrible attitude.
2) Vanessa- Really wish I could meet up with you for dinners but I know you are busy with school work, tests, exams, assignments and presentations. Thus, don't want to disturb you. However, really miss the times we sat the same bus home, chit chatting during the bus ride. Sharing Geography knowledge and testing each other before our exams and tests. I must admit I didn't put in effort to study for them until the 'O' levels then did I start cramming all the knowledge until my brain also want to burst already. Also complaining about your 'gor'...
3) Shu Zhen- Although we were only in the same class for one year and during those days you spent most of the time we Wenshan, Kaijia and Simin. But I enjoyed that 365days of attending classes with you beside me, 'cause we would secretly 'chit- chat' with passing small pieces of notes to and fro. I also enjoy going out together after school to your house or to Seoul Garden with the rest of the girls until 4pm or 5pm before heading home. Too bad, I had lost contacts with the rest of them and thank God I still am in contact with you.
4) Xingzhen- We maintained the longest number of years as friends and hopefully more to come. Now that we have different interest in life compared to 11-12years ago but I still treasure our friendship and hope that we would have more time going out together and combing the shops with endless comments on everything we see.
That is the end of the list... *Sigh* How I wish that I could turn time back and enjoy all the innocent memories we shared playing, studying, shopping, watching movie together... However, I know that is impossible, we will continue to grow older year by year. Hence, I pray that all our friendship would continue to blossom until the day our hair turn grey and have grandchildren running around us.
Suddenly, I had this feeling of missing them overwhelming me... I mean, we have all grown up, reached our adulthood and started the journey of achieving different career paths. Even one of my close friend is overseas, which means I can't meet up with her for Starbucks or for a meal to chat as well as to catch up. Another one is cramming her time for studies and exams, so there goes another Starbucks chance...
As for me, I work shifts, thus, it is also hard for me to arrange meetings with friends, family, BGR and for my own leisure. (Really sometimes wonder why people must suffering working and earning big bucks just to maintain a happy life. Why must there be money to weigh us down?)
Anyway, below is a list of friends I really miss a lot.
1) Chung Woon- I really miss those time we shared our F&N knowledge and trying out each other's food after F&N classes. Not to forget singing songs at the top of our lungs just to ventilate any stress and frustrations we had. Come to think of it, it was pretty fun 'cause every time we start singing we were frowning and after a few songs, we start smiling then laughing ourselves silly. Miss also the times were I whine to you about BGR problems and how that person (you know who) irritates me by rebuking me with his sarcastic remarks until I am lost for words or horrible attitude.
2) Vanessa- Really wish I could meet up with you for dinners but I know you are busy with school work, tests, exams, assignments and presentations. Thus, don't want to disturb you. However, really miss the times we sat the same bus home, chit chatting during the bus ride. Sharing Geography knowledge and testing each other before our exams and tests. I must admit I didn't put in effort to study for them until the 'O' levels then did I start cramming all the knowledge until my brain also want to burst already. Also complaining about your 'gor'...
3) Shu Zhen- Although we were only in the same class for one year and during those days you spent most of the time we Wenshan, Kaijia and Simin. But I enjoyed that 365days of attending classes with you beside me, 'cause we would secretly 'chit- chat' with passing small pieces of notes to and fro. I also enjoy going out together after school to your house or to Seoul Garden with the rest of the girls until 4pm or 5pm before heading home. Too bad, I had lost contacts with the rest of them and thank God I still am in contact with you.
4) Xingzhen- We maintained the longest number of years as friends and hopefully more to come. Now that we have different interest in life compared to 11-12years ago but I still treasure our friendship and hope that we would have more time going out together and combing the shops with endless comments on everything we see.
That is the end of the list... *Sigh* How I wish that I could turn time back and enjoy all the innocent memories we shared playing, studying, shopping, watching movie together... However, I know that is impossible, we will continue to grow older year by year. Hence, I pray that all our friendship would continue to blossom until the day our hair turn grey and have grandchildren running around us.
Friday, June 03, 2005
KPO Woman
This incident happened last night... Maybe to some people, I maybe a bit over-reacting and very unreasonable, but still I MUST get this matter off my chest. Still kind of angry over this matter...
My fiance had his final test yesterday and this girl from his class out of the blue sms-ed him to ask him how was the test for him. My fiance was bathing at that time, so I answered the message for him replying, 'Okie.' The girl then sms-ed him again saying that she heard that his examiner was quite a strict person and asked once again how was the test. This time was I was pretty irritated and replied, 'It is okie. Why?' Few minutes later the reply from her was 'Nothing, just asking.' Fed up, I replied, 'Don't be so KPO.'
For that reply, my fiance screwed me upside down, left, right, center and chided me for scolding his friend! We even quarrelled over this matter. He was so defensive over that stupid girl! Don't understand what was wrong with him! The way he reacted was like as if I made a major mistake for scolding her a KPO...
The girl to be seems like having an ulterior motive for being so concern over him. I feel that she is trying to get close to my fiance and yet he still seems to be so protective of her... Don't understand why!
He keeps saying that they are just friends and that I am being paranoid. But how can I make him see my point that girls don't anyhow sms guys just to be concern over their every test and exams? So frustrated!
*SIGH*
My fiance had his final test yesterday and this girl from his class out of the blue sms-ed him to ask him how was the test for him. My fiance was bathing at that time, so I answered the message for him replying, 'Okie.' The girl then sms-ed him again saying that she heard that his examiner was quite a strict person and asked once again how was the test. This time was I was pretty irritated and replied, 'It is okie. Why?' Few minutes later the reply from her was 'Nothing, just asking.' Fed up, I replied, 'Don't be so KPO.'
For that reply, my fiance screwed me upside down, left, right, center and chided me for scolding his friend! We even quarrelled over this matter. He was so defensive over that stupid girl! Don't understand what was wrong with him! The way he reacted was like as if I made a major mistake for scolding her a KPO...
The girl to be seems like having an ulterior motive for being so concern over him. I feel that she is trying to get close to my fiance and yet he still seems to be so protective of her... Don't understand why!
He keeps saying that they are just friends and that I am being paranoid. But how can I make him see my point that girls don't anyhow sms guys just to be concern over their every test and exams? So frustrated!
*SIGH*
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Nursing
BEING A NURSE MEANS....
You will never be bored
You will always be frustrated
You will be surrounded by challenges.
So much to do and so little time
You will carry immense responsibility
And limited authority.
You will step into people's lives
And you will make a difference.
Some will bless you,
Some will curse you.
You will see people at their worst
And at their best.
You will never cease to be amazed
At people's capacity for
Love, courage, and endurance.
You will experience resounding triumphs
And devastating failures.
You will cry a lot.
You will laugh a lot.
You will know what it is to be human
And to be humane.
You will never be bored
You will always be frustrated
You will be surrounded by challenges.
So much to do and so little time
You will carry immense responsibility
And limited authority.
You will step into people's lives
And you will make a difference.
Some will bless you,
Some will curse you.
You will see people at their worst
And at their best.
You will never cease to be amazed
At people's capacity for
Love, courage, and endurance.
You will experience resounding triumphs
And devastating failures.
You will cry a lot.
You will laugh a lot.
You will know what it is to be human
And to be humane.
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