Life has not been good to me recently.
Firstly, the patients nowadays are so demanding and even expecting to be treated like Presidents when they are only in 'C' class. Just attending to Room 7 is bad enough! He expects us nurses to be like his maid cum massagers cum 'wife'. He even asked my friend to help him rub his private part with the powder we applied for him during sponging. Today asked me to massage his upper + lower limbs before helping him apply the medicated plasters.
Secondly, NM Chan has been sort of cranky and extremely nagging recently. She is like so client orientated that she hinders our job. It is because of her that all our patients are behaving like Kings. However, the funny thing is that she is only nice to those male patients and puts more attention with male patients' complain. It is most probably that she is deprived, that is why! Lolx. ( I am so bad , making fun of my own NM like that.) But, she always listens to one-sided story and jump to conclusion that we as nurse victimized the patients when actually the patient is one with psychiatric thinking.
Anyway, I am finally heading back home and Baku has landed a good job. Hope that he doesn't happy happy quit again. He better start thinking of our future and stability as we are going to ROM soon and no way am I going to commit my life with guy with no job stability.
Lastly... just a song to express something...
My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
I gave my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus:One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to my last cry
Cry.....I was here
You were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry
Chorus:
One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I gotta put you out of my mind
For the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I'm down, I guess I'm down
I guess I'm down...
I guess I'm down...
To my last cry...
Monday, November 28, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
Juz Feel Kinda Weird
Well, I know that this is stale news already but still I can't believed that WWE Superstar, Eddie Guerrero, has passed away suddenly. He is such a viva-lazzar, action speaks louder than words, cool, funny and cute wrestler. Feel that life is such a fragile thing. With the snap of the finger, God will just bring whoever He feels like back to Heaven with Him.Today, my patient who was still okie yesterday suddenly turned breathless and had respiratory distress. She was sent to the High Dependency unit in the end. Long story... Anyway, this auntie is a very cheerful, positive, and nice lady. She won't demand much and even when I fumbled with her TPN procedure, she still smiled and said it is okie. Nice family too. Very understanding.
Then, the other day, my another patient had just died from A.M.I (acute myocardial infarction). According to my colleague who witnessed the incident, she told me that within 10mins, that patient was just gone...
Life is so fragile... *Sigh*
NM Chan is also getting on my nerves asking me to write memos for even the slightest reason just to cover her A$$. In a matter of few days, I have already written 2 memos. One when I was ill with headache and another one today. Nagging at us and stressing us all at work just to cover her A$$. When patient absconded, she was more worried about the patient robbing a bank then the health well-being of the patient. So ridiculous! Then, when bedbugs started 'invading' a certain room of the ward, she was more worried that the ward's name would be degraded instead of worrying about the patient on if they get bitten by the bed bugs.
Been very frustrated with my mind-set. I kind of Thank God that I managed to maintain my sanity even though I have been through lots of upsetting stuff. Thank God that He gave me strength to carry on being positive and carry on working despite having 30mins rest in 2 days. I was so afraid that I may not 'survive' today as I didn't sleep at all last night. Suffering from insomnia recently, especially when I am on AM shift. Not sure if it is due to the fact that I worry and stress myself with the hectic AM routines and patient care stuff. Always told myself to provide the best I can to my patients and try not to lose my temper at those who irritates us for the most minor stuff due to their dementia or demanding nature. But somehow, I still lose my cool at them especially with those who are demanding. I think that I really need to seek some kind of help to relax my tensions and anxiety mind-set.
God, kindly lend me all the support you can provide to walk out of these dark times of mine. Hope that I will snap out of these negative thoughts soon. Bless my future ROM with Jeff and bless me with more tolerance towards those who tests my patience. Amen. Thank you for all you have provided me with for the past few days.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Untitled
1) I am sick. On 2 days MC
2) Down with tension headache and flu
3)Wedding bands were ready for collection. Came back from Belgium but still not up to standard. So sent back. Will be ready next year January. (Yupz latest news updated on 22/10/2005 at 7pm)
4) Somehow I feel so sick. So stressed up with stuff.
5) Maybe I am going to suffer from a mental breakdown soon.
6) Less $140 again for the MC taken. But health more important right?
7) I hate being ill...
2) Down with tension headache and flu
3)Wedding bands were ready for collection. Came back from Belgium but still not up to standard. So sent back. Will be ready next year January. (Yupz latest news updated on 22/10/2005 at 7pm)
4) Somehow I feel so sick. So stressed up with stuff.
5) Maybe I am going to suffer from a mental breakdown soon.
6) Less $140 again for the MC taken. But health more important right?
7) I hate being ill...
Sunday, November 13, 2005
Exorcism Of Emily Rose
Went to see 'The Exorcism Of Emily Rose'. It kind of triggered my curiosity on the truth of the movie as it is states that the movie was made based on a true story.
So anyway, found out the girl who was possessed is actually not called Emily Rose but Anneliese Michel.
Actual story:
From her birth on the 21st of September, 1952, Anneliese Michel enjoyed the life of a normal, religiously nurtured young girl. Without warning, her life changed on a day in 1968 when she began shaking and found she was unable to control her body. She could not call out for her parents, Josef and Anna, or any of her 3 sisters. A neurologist at the Psychiatric Clinic Wurzburg diagnosed her with "Grand Mal" epilepsy. Because of the strength of the epileptic fits, and the severity of the depression that followed, Anneliese was admitted for treatment at the hospital.
Soon after the attacks began, Anneliese started seeing devilish grimaces during her daily praying. It was the fall of 1970, and while the young people of the world were enjoying the liberal freedoms of the time, Anneliese was battling with the belief that she was possessed. It seemed there was no other explanation for the appearance of devilish visions during her prayers. Voices also began following her, saying Anneliese will "stew in hell". She mentioned the "demons" to the doctors only once, explaining that they have started to give her orders. The doctors seem unable to help, and Anneliese lost hope that medicine was going to be able to cure her.
In the summer of 1973, her parents visited different pastors to request an exorcism. Their requests were rejected and they were given recommendations that the now 20 year old Anneliese should continue with medication and treatment. It was explained that the process by which the Church proves a possession (Infestatio) is strictly defined, and until all the criterion is met, a Bishop can not approve an exorcism. The requirements, to name a few, include an aversion to religious objects, speaking in a language the person has never learned, and supernatural powers.
In 1974, after supervising Anneliese for some time, Pastor Ernst Alt requested a permit to perform the exorcism from the Bishop of Wurzburg. The request was rejected, and a recommendation soon followed saying that Anneliese should live even more of a religious lifestyle in order to find peace. The attacks did not diminish, and her behavior become more erratic. At her parents' house in Klingenberg, she insulted, beat, and began biting the other members of her family. She refused to eat because the demons would not allow it. Anneliese slept on the stone floor, ate spiders, flies, and coal, and even began drinking her own urine. She could be heard screaming throughout the house for hours while breaking crucifixes, destroying paintings of Jesus, and pulling apart rosaries. Anneliese began committing acts of self-mutilation at this time, and the act of tearing off her clothes and urinating on the floor became common place.
After making an exact verification of the possession in September 1975, the Bishop of Wurzburg, Josef Stangl, assigned Father Arnold Renz and Pastor Ernst Alt with the order to perform "The Great Exorcism" on Anneliese Michel. The basis for this ritual was the "Rituale Romanum", which was still, at the time, a valid Cannon Law from the 17th century. It was determined that Anneliese must be saved from the possession by several demons, including Lucifer, Judas Iscariot, Nero, Cain, Hitler, and Fleischmann, a disgraced Frankish Priest from the 16th century, and some other damned souls which had manifested through her. From September '75 until July '76, one or two exorcism sessions were held each week. Anneliese's attacks were sometimes so strong that she would have to be held down by 3 men, or even chained up. During this time, Anneliese found her life somewhat return to normal as she could again go to school, take final examinations at the Pedagogic Academy in Wurzburg, and go to church.
The attacks, however, did not stop. In fact, she would more often find herself paralyzed and falling unconscious than before. The exorcism continued over many months, always with the same prayers and incantations. Sometimes family members and visitors, like one married couple that claims to have "discovered" Anneliese, would be present during the rituals. For several weeks, Anneliese denied all food. Her knees ruptured due to the 600 genuflections she performed obsessively during the daily exorcism. Over 40 audio tapes record the process, in order to preserve the details.
The last day of the Exorcism Rite was on June 30th, 1976, and Anneliese was suffering at this point from Pneumonia. She was also totally emaciated, and running a high fever. Exhausted and unable to physically perform the genuflections herself, her parents stood in and helped carry her through the motions. "Beg for Absolution" is the last statement Anneliese made to the exorcists. To her mother, she said, "Mother, I'm afraid." Anna Michel recorded the death of her daughter on the following day, July 1st, 1976, and at noon, Pastor Ernst Alt informed the authorities in Aschaffenburg. The senior prosecutor began investigating immediately.
A short time before these final events unfolded, William Friedkin's "The Exorcist" (1974) came to the cinemas in Germany, bringing with it a wave of paranormal hysteria that flooded the nation. Psychiatrists all over Europe reported an increase of obsessive ideas among their patients. Prosecutors took more than 2 years to to take Annaliese's case to court, using that time to sort through the bizarre facts. Anneliese's parents and the two exorcists were accused of negligent homocide. The "Klingenberg Case" would be decided upon two questions: What caused the death of Anneliese Michel, and who was responsible?
According the forensic evidence, "Anneliese starved to death". Specialists claimed that if the accused would have begun with forced feeding one week before her death, Anneliese's life would have been saved. One sister told the court that Anneliese did not want to go to a mental home where she would be sedated and forced to eat. The exorcists tried to prove the presence of the demons, playing taped recordings of strange dialogues like that of two demons arguing about which one of them would have to leave Anneliese's body first. One of the demons called himself Hitler, and spoke with a Frankish accent (Hitler was born in Austria). Not one of those present during the exorcism ever had a doubt about the authenticity of the presence of these demons.
The psychiatrists, whom had been ordered to testify by the court, spoke about the "Doctrinaire Induction". They said that the priests had provided Anneliese with the contents of her psychotic behavior. Consequentially, they claimed, she later accepted her behavior as a form of demonic possession. They also offered that Anneliese's unsettled sexual development, along with her diagnosed Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, had influenced the psychosis.
The verdict was considered by many as not as harsh as they expected. Anneliese's parents, as well as the exorcists, were found guilty of manslaughter resulting from negligence and omitting first aid. They were sentenced to 6 months in jail and probation. The verdict included the opinion of the court that the accused should have helped by taking care of the medical treatment that the girl needed, but instead, their use of naive practices aggravated Anneliese's already poor constitution.
A commission of the German Bishop-Conference later declared that Anneliese Michel was not possessed, however, this did not keep believers from supporting her struggles, and it was because so many believed in her that Anneliese's body did not find peace with death. Her corpse was exhumed eleven and a half years after her burial, only to confirm that it had decayed as would have been expected under normal circumstances. Today, her grave remains a place of pilgrimage for rosary-praying and for those who believe that Anneliese Michel bravely fought the devil.
In 1999, Cardinal Medina Estevez presented journalists in Vatican-City the new version of the "Rituale Romanum" that has been used by the Catholic Church since 1614. The updates came after more than 10 years of editing and is called "De exorcismis et supplicationibus quibusdam" otherwise known as "The exorcism for the upcoming millennium". The Pope approbated the new Exorcism Rite, which is now allowed for worldwide use. This new form of exorcism came after the German Bishop-Conference demanded to ultimately abolish the "Rituale Romun". It also came more than 20 years after Anneliese Michel had died.
Okie, here another thing I found by accident.
http://paranormal.about.com/library/media/audio/russian_exorcism.wma
Hmm, wonder if the recording is of a real event. Any comments?
So anyway, found out the girl who was possessed is actually not called Emily Rose but Anneliese Michel.
Actual story:
From her birth on the 21st of September, 1952, Anneliese Michel enjoyed the life of a normal, religiously nurtured young girl. Without warning, her life changed on a day in 1968 when she began shaking and found she was unable to control her body. She could not call out for her parents, Josef and Anna, or any of her 3 sisters. A neurologist at the Psychiatric Clinic Wurzburg diagnosed her with "Grand Mal" epilepsy. Because of the strength of the epileptic fits, and the severity of the depression that followed, Anneliese was admitted for treatment at the hospital.
Soon after the attacks began, Anneliese started seeing devilish grimaces during her daily praying. It was the fall of 1970, and while the young people of the world were enjoying the liberal freedoms of the time, Anneliese was battling with the belief that she was possessed. It seemed there was no other explanation for the appearance of devilish visions during her prayers. Voices also began following her, saying Anneliese will "stew in hell". She mentioned the "demons" to the doctors only once, explaining that they have started to give her orders. The doctors seem unable to help, and Anneliese lost hope that medicine was going to be able to cure her.
In the summer of 1973, her parents visited different pastors to request an exorcism. Their requests were rejected and they were given recommendations that the now 20 year old Anneliese should continue with medication and treatment. It was explained that the process by which the Church proves a possession (Infestatio) is strictly defined, and until all the criterion is met, a Bishop can not approve an exorcism. The requirements, to name a few, include an aversion to religious objects, speaking in a language the person has never learned, and supernatural powers.
In 1974, after supervising Anneliese for some time, Pastor Ernst Alt requested a permit to perform the exorcism from the Bishop of Wurzburg. The request was rejected, and a recommendation soon followed saying that Anneliese should live even more of a religious lifestyle in order to find peace. The attacks did not diminish, and her behavior become more erratic. At her parents' house in Klingenberg, she insulted, beat, and began biting the other members of her family. She refused to eat because the demons would not allow it. Anneliese slept on the stone floor, ate spiders, flies, and coal, and even began drinking her own urine. She could be heard screaming throughout the house for hours while breaking crucifixes, destroying paintings of Jesus, and pulling apart rosaries. Anneliese began committing acts of self-mutilation at this time, and the act of tearing off her clothes and urinating on the floor became common place.
After making an exact verification of the possession in September 1975, the Bishop of Wurzburg, Josef Stangl, assigned Father Arnold Renz and Pastor Ernst Alt with the order to perform "The Great Exorcism" on Anneliese Michel. The basis for this ritual was the "Rituale Romanum", which was still, at the time, a valid Cannon Law from the 17th century. It was determined that Anneliese must be saved from the possession by several demons, including Lucifer, Judas Iscariot, Nero, Cain, Hitler, and Fleischmann, a disgraced Frankish Priest from the 16th century, and some other damned souls which had manifested through her. From September '75 until July '76, one or two exorcism sessions were held each week. Anneliese's attacks were sometimes so strong that she would have to be held down by 3 men, or even chained up. During this time, Anneliese found her life somewhat return to normal as she could again go to school, take final examinations at the Pedagogic Academy in Wurzburg, and go to church.
The attacks, however, did not stop. In fact, she would more often find herself paralyzed and falling unconscious than before. The exorcism continued over many months, always with the same prayers and incantations. Sometimes family members and visitors, like one married couple that claims to have "discovered" Anneliese, would be present during the rituals. For several weeks, Anneliese denied all food. Her knees ruptured due to the 600 genuflections she performed obsessively during the daily exorcism. Over 40 audio tapes record the process, in order to preserve the details.
The last day of the Exorcism Rite was on June 30th, 1976, and Anneliese was suffering at this point from Pneumonia. She was also totally emaciated, and running a high fever. Exhausted and unable to physically perform the genuflections herself, her parents stood in and helped carry her through the motions. "Beg for Absolution" is the last statement Anneliese made to the exorcists. To her mother, she said, "Mother, I'm afraid." Anna Michel recorded the death of her daughter on the following day, July 1st, 1976, and at noon, Pastor Ernst Alt informed the authorities in Aschaffenburg. The senior prosecutor began investigating immediately.
A short time before these final events unfolded, William Friedkin's "The Exorcist" (1974) came to the cinemas in Germany, bringing with it a wave of paranormal hysteria that flooded the nation. Psychiatrists all over Europe reported an increase of obsessive ideas among their patients. Prosecutors took more than 2 years to to take Annaliese's case to court, using that time to sort through the bizarre facts. Anneliese's parents and the two exorcists were accused of negligent homocide. The "Klingenberg Case" would be decided upon two questions: What caused the death of Anneliese Michel, and who was responsible?
According the forensic evidence, "Anneliese starved to death". Specialists claimed that if the accused would have begun with forced feeding one week before her death, Anneliese's life would have been saved. One sister told the court that Anneliese did not want to go to a mental home where she would be sedated and forced to eat. The exorcists tried to prove the presence of the demons, playing taped recordings of strange dialogues like that of two demons arguing about which one of them would have to leave Anneliese's body first. One of the demons called himself Hitler, and spoke with a Frankish accent (Hitler was born in Austria). Not one of those present during the exorcism ever had a doubt about the authenticity of the presence of these demons.
The psychiatrists, whom had been ordered to testify by the court, spoke about the "Doctrinaire Induction". They said that the priests had provided Anneliese with the contents of her psychotic behavior. Consequentially, they claimed, she later accepted her behavior as a form of demonic possession. They also offered that Anneliese's unsettled sexual development, along with her diagnosed Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, had influenced the psychosis.
The verdict was considered by many as not as harsh as they expected. Anneliese's parents, as well as the exorcists, were found guilty of manslaughter resulting from negligence and omitting first aid. They were sentenced to 6 months in jail and probation. The verdict included the opinion of the court that the accused should have helped by taking care of the medical treatment that the girl needed, but instead, their use of naive practices aggravated Anneliese's already poor constitution.
A commission of the German Bishop-Conference later declared that Anneliese Michel was not possessed, however, this did not keep believers from supporting her struggles, and it was because so many believed in her that Anneliese's body did not find peace with death. Her corpse was exhumed eleven and a half years after her burial, only to confirm that it had decayed as would have been expected under normal circumstances. Today, her grave remains a place of pilgrimage for rosary-praying and for those who believe that Anneliese Michel bravely fought the devil.
In 1999, Cardinal Medina Estevez presented journalists in Vatican-City the new version of the "Rituale Romanum" that has been used by the Catholic Church since 1614. The updates came after more than 10 years of editing and is called "De exorcismis et supplicationibus quibusdam" otherwise known as "The exorcism for the upcoming millennium". The Pope approbated the new Exorcism Rite, which is now allowed for worldwide use. This new form of exorcism came after the German Bishop-Conference demanded to ultimately abolish the "Rituale Romun". It also came more than 20 years after Anneliese Michel had died.
Okie, here another thing I found by accident.
http://paranormal.about.com/library/media/audio/russian_exorcism.wma
Hmm, wonder if the recording is of a real event. Any comments?
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Night Duty...
NO MORE NIGHT DUTY!
NO MORE EXTRA CASH!
*miserable*
GOING TO WATCH 'THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE' 9.30pm
NO MORE EXTRA CASH!
*miserable*
GOING TO WATCH 'THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE' 9.30pm
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Feelings All Hay-Wired
Tomorrow would be the countdown of half year more before I step into a new phrase of my life. Not that I am anxious about it but somehow, my mood has been kind of hay-wired. Just suffering from insomnia, bad-mood, easily irritated and keep having a sense of uneasiness that something is not right. I can't also explain why I feel this way.
Anyway, currently I am feeling a bit disappointed that Baku and I wouldn't be celebrating our 5
and a half years anniversary like we always been doing. This year, he is out of job and we are financially saving up for the ROM, thus, no expensive dinner , no bouquet of roses and no presents for each other. But, I know just for the ROM sacrifices must be made... *Sigh*
I would be on night duty from tomorrow night onwards until Sunday. However, I have a gut feeling that I wouldn't be able to do the night duty as Ward 12 is still close. That means, I would not be needed to do my night duty as that would be covered by the permernant night duty staff , Maria Corazon.. No night duty = no night allowances = lesser pay. *Sianz* It has been 2 months already since I last had a night duty. Ward 12 faster open... At least, all staff would get a fair chance of going on rotating night shift.
I am also upset that I can't help my dearest friend in need today. She had some problems with her wound and yet I can't rush over and help her although I really wish to. I just don't know, feel that her family is really poor in playing their respective roles well. Ger, hold on and pray hard that this would be your last operation. Don't wish to see you suffering any longer. I know it is very traumatic and painful process, I understand how you are feeling, being lonely with no one to really care for you, having to help yourself stand firmly on your both feet despite all sufferings and upsetting words + events that has been going on. Be strong!
Finally at least that there is one good news, I managed to find the song I have been looking for... It is called Dragostea Din Tei. Very funny and nice song to let your hair down and start dancing yourself silly to the song...
Anyway, currently I am feeling a bit disappointed that Baku and I wouldn't be celebrating our 5
and a half years anniversary like we always been doing. This year, he is out of job and we are financially saving up for the ROM, thus, no expensive dinner , no bouquet of roses and no presents for each other. But, I know just for the ROM sacrifices must be made... *Sigh*
I would be on night duty from tomorrow night onwards until Sunday. However, I have a gut feeling that I wouldn't be able to do the night duty as Ward 12 is still close. That means, I would not be needed to do my night duty as that would be covered by the permernant night duty staff , Maria Corazon.. No night duty = no night allowances = lesser pay. *Sianz* It has been 2 months already since I last had a night duty. Ward 12 faster open... At least, all staff would get a fair chance of going on rotating night shift.
I am also upset that I can't help my dearest friend in need today. She had some problems with her wound and yet I can't rush over and help her although I really wish to. I just don't know, feel that her family is really poor in playing their respective roles well. Ger, hold on and pray hard that this would be your last operation. Don't wish to see you suffering any longer. I know it is very traumatic and painful process, I understand how you are feeling, being lonely with no one to really care for you, having to help yourself stand firmly on your both feet despite all sufferings and upsetting words + events that has been going on. Be strong!
Finally at least that there is one good news, I managed to find the song I have been looking for... It is called Dragostea Din Tei. Very funny and nice song to let your hair down and start dancing yourself silly to the song...
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Lazy Day At Home
Suppose to work AM shift today, but was given a day off. Supposed to work PM also, but off again. That's good! I totally hate the 'PAP' shift! Anyway, since I got no work, I can spend some quality time with Baku. These days, he work, I rest and when he rest, I work. Been quite a long time since we managed to spend a whole day together lazing around or doing stuff together.
This evening, we went to AMK Jack's Place for dinner then went to peek at my future wedding band. Kind of can't wait to get the wedding band on 18 Nov 2005. Well, I want the ring to be perfect this time, if it ain't good enough, I will sent it back to Belgium for re-alterations until it is perfect and up to standard. (Above is a sneak preview of what the ring is like.)
In another week's time, it is countdown of 6mths before ROM. Don't know why but somehow I feel kind of numb and unfeeling to the ROM already. Like a bit 'sian' of the waiting and feel like it is still a long time to wait. (Envious of my friend who would be ROMing in December.) Baku, also like very passive towards the ROM. He also says still got a long time to go, thus, no use worrying or fretting over the details and wait until the time is nearer, then we shall think about it.
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