Been a week since I last blogged...
Nothing interesting happened within this week, nothing fanciful for me to rant about, nothing for me to look forward to, nothing to be excited about and lastly nothing to stir up my blogging mood.
Still very much pondering with regards to the hymen surgery. Thinking of going for it, since I am not very much wanted anymore. Moreover, I guess it would help to improve my self-esteem somemore. Not too sure what the actual cost would be and if I am still repairable... Not all hymen tears can be repaired...
What else can I blog about??
Erm... that I am currently happy being half married and half single (all thanks to someone). Not sure if I should thank her for it or hate her for it. Well, in the bible says that we as christians should forgive and love our enemies. So well, I have forgiven but still can't bring myself to 'love' her. I guess I don't treat her as my enemy as much as she hates me. However, I would pretty much like to keep a safe distant away from such people. Can't imagine that what she had done towards me as what she called as in fit of anger to spite me. What if one day I made her more angry at me, I think she would murder me and then tell the world that she did it out of anger and frustrations because I had made her angry... Gosh, wouldn't want to keep a walking time bomb beside me as my friend. Too scary...
Countdown: 12 days more... and 13 days more for my 'mei-mei' in Australia...
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Someone Tell Me I'm Crazy (Laser Hymenoplasty)
The hymenoplasty will require a local anesthetic and no hospitalization; your doctor will use dissolvable stitches to reconnect the skin membrane that once partially covered the opening to the vagina. Recovery time is about six weeks; risks of infection and fever are very minimal. Subsequent intercourse will tear the membrane causing pain and bleeding. The surgery can cost as little as $1,800 and range all the way to $3000.
The hymenoplasty procedure is done under local anesthesic. While tissue dissection to prevent small blood vessels from bleeding, the areas which were torn is torn are removed. This is so that they will grow back together when they are approximated with stitches. Then after they are denuded, the edges are brought back together to reform the star-shaped "ring" as it was prior to relations, accident etc. It is made small enough, so that when first sexual relations occur later on, it will "tear" again, there will be some pain, and there will be bleeding.
Resumption of normal activity is immediate.
Should I? Or should I not?
I want to feel chaste again... and not so 'cheapskate'. I want a new life and chance again... I want to feel clean and pure again...
The hymenoplasty procedure is done under local anesthesic. While tissue dissection to prevent small blood vessels from bleeding, the areas which were torn is torn are removed. This is so that they will grow back together when they are approximated with stitches. Then after they are denuded, the edges are brought back together to reform the star-shaped "ring" as it was prior to relations, accident etc. It is made small enough, so that when first sexual relations occur later on, it will "tear" again, there will be some pain, and there will be bleeding.
Resumption of normal activity is immediate.
Should I? Or should I not?
I want to feel chaste again... and not so 'cheapskate'. I want a new life and chance again... I want to feel clean and pure again...
Thursday, April 19, 2007
Rantings Of The Week...
1) Wedding in 2008 is called off. (All thanks to some 'xiao ren' in my life!)
2) To Kyreen: I am not trying to be revengeful or being sarcastic, I just hope you will get what you truly deserve one day to understand the damage you had done. Don't bother to apologize and waste your saliva especially when you are not exactly sure why you are apologizing for. No use apologizing anyway. Damage has been done and it is totally unsalvagable. Anyway, thanks for the valuable lessons you have taught me in life. By the way, I do extend my forgive and forget theory to those who does deserve it and sad to say, you ain't worth it.
3) To Anqi: Thanks for speaking up for Kyreen. I understand where you are coming from but some people are worth forgiving especially those who knows and is willing to understand what theirs mistakes are as well as apologetic for the out-come that resulted from their mistake.
4) To CW: I truly hope you are happy doing what you do. Guess you finally had understand the effects of love. The confusion it will lead you in. Lol. Just indulge in whatever you have now and pray for you that he is sincere this time ok?
5) For those who knows what shit I have been through for the past months and have been there for me to comfort me and show me true sincere encouragements, I wish to extend my appreciation to you people for helping me get through this tough time. I have finally walked away from this obstacle, although badly wounded but still with a positive mind-set, hoping that things will get better as the days past. I also feel through these bad months, I have grown up mentally. Looks like the year of the pig is really a bad year for me, so I am also mentally prepared for the worst to happen within the next 10months (according to lunar calendar).
6) To Baku: I still love you as much as before. I will respect your decision and try to push away any negative thoughts of childishness. Since the day I ROMed with you, I have already made my decision to stay by you no matter what, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health till the day you reject me...
2) To Kyreen: I am not trying to be revengeful or being sarcastic, I just hope you will get what you truly deserve one day to understand the damage you had done. Don't bother to apologize and waste your saliva especially when you are not exactly sure why you are apologizing for. No use apologizing anyway. Damage has been done and it is totally unsalvagable. Anyway, thanks for the valuable lessons you have taught me in life. By the way, I do extend my forgive and forget theory to those who does deserve it and sad to say, you ain't worth it.
3) To Anqi: Thanks for speaking up for Kyreen. I understand where you are coming from but some people are worth forgiving especially those who knows and is willing to understand what theirs mistakes are as well as apologetic for the out-come that resulted from their mistake.
4) To CW: I truly hope you are happy doing what you do. Guess you finally had understand the effects of love. The confusion it will lead you in. Lol. Just indulge in whatever you have now and pray for you that he is sincere this time ok?
5) For those who knows what shit I have been through for the past months and have been there for me to comfort me and show me true sincere encouragements, I wish to extend my appreciation to you people for helping me get through this tough time. I have finally walked away from this obstacle, although badly wounded but still with a positive mind-set, hoping that things will get better as the days past. I also feel through these bad months, I have grown up mentally. Looks like the year of the pig is really a bad year for me, so I am also mentally prepared for the worst to happen within the next 10months (according to lunar calendar).
6) To Baku: I still love you as much as before. I will respect your decision and try to push away any negative thoughts of childishness. Since the day I ROMed with you, I have already made my decision to stay by you no matter what, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health till the day you reject me...
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Reinforcements
PIG
General:
This is a very unstable year for those born in the year of the Pig. It is best to keep a low profile and not to implement any major changes in your life. Although there is a lucky star shining at you to reduce the speed of a free fall in fortune, you will still need to be wary this year. Be careful in terms of safety. Do not compromise safety for convenience. Also, do not go into dark alleys.
Career:
Avoid changing jobs. Keep a low profile. Be polite and avoid any arguments. Tolerance is a virtue this year. Do not let others to push you into a corner.
Wealth:
Avoid investments. If you are in sales, there is a high likelihood to experience a low period. You will need to depend on Feng Shui or other items to increase your wealth luck.
Relationship:
If you are in a relationship, you will expect more quarrels and misunderstandings this year. If you are single, this is not a good year to rush into a relationship. Take some time to observe and focus other areas of your life.
Health:
Not good. You will be more prone to fall sick, be accident-prone and there may be signs of needing an operation.
People:
Avoid participating in any gossip corners. Remember to focus on yourself.
Action:
Place a lepidolite near you. Put a metallic pagoda in your wealth position. Carry a jade Pixiu
SHEEP
General:
This is a stable year for those who are born in the year of the Goat. You will be quite particular about having your own personal space. Hence, you may not like anybody to constantly demand attention from you. This year, you will find yourself attracted to the fields of philosophy, new age (tarot, meditation or alternative healing etc) or human behavior. It is good to keep a low profile because the general year luck is not especially good. You will not get a lot of support or assistance from others. This is not a good year to implement huge changes, especially anything that involves huge risk such as changing careers or setting up businesses.
Career :
Stay put. Avoid changing jobs and business expansion. Be conservative in any investment plans.
Wealth:
For those who are getting a stable income, it is good. However, it will be more challenging for those who depend on commission or sales.
Relationship:
There might be more quarrels or disputes between those who are already in relationships as there will be a strong desire to have your own personal space. You might want to do more things alone than with company. It is more difficult than previous years for those who are single to find the right partner.
Health:
Average. Be more cautious if there are elders at home. Elders at home are more prone to have health problems or being accident-prone. Look out for them.
People:
Though there is no significant increase of betrayals or backstabbings this year, do be careful of your own behavior. Do not be rude to others even when you wish to be left alone.
Action:
Put a metallic pagoda in your wealth area. Carry a jade Pixiu with you
General:
This is a very unstable year for those born in the year of the Pig. It is best to keep a low profile and not to implement any major changes in your life. Although there is a lucky star shining at you to reduce the speed of a free fall in fortune, you will still need to be wary this year. Be careful in terms of safety. Do not compromise safety for convenience. Also, do not go into dark alleys.
Career:
Avoid changing jobs. Keep a low profile. Be polite and avoid any arguments. Tolerance is a virtue this year. Do not let others to push you into a corner.
Wealth:
Avoid investments. If you are in sales, there is a high likelihood to experience a low period. You will need to depend on Feng Shui or other items to increase your wealth luck.
Relationship:
If you are in a relationship, you will expect more quarrels and misunderstandings this year. If you are single, this is not a good year to rush into a relationship. Take some time to observe and focus other areas of your life.
Health:
Not good. You will be more prone to fall sick, be accident-prone and there may be signs of needing an operation.
People:
Avoid participating in any gossip corners. Remember to focus on yourself.
Action:
Place a lepidolite near you. Put a metallic pagoda in your wealth position. Carry a jade Pixiu
SHEEP
General:
This is a stable year for those who are born in the year of the Goat. You will be quite particular about having your own personal space. Hence, you may not like anybody to constantly demand attention from you. This year, you will find yourself attracted to the fields of philosophy, new age (tarot, meditation or alternative healing etc) or human behavior. It is good to keep a low profile because the general year luck is not especially good. You will not get a lot of support or assistance from others. This is not a good year to implement huge changes, especially anything that involves huge risk such as changing careers or setting up businesses.
Career :
Stay put. Avoid changing jobs and business expansion. Be conservative in any investment plans.
Wealth:
For those who are getting a stable income, it is good. However, it will be more challenging for those who depend on commission or sales.
Relationship:
There might be more quarrels or disputes between those who are already in relationships as there will be a strong desire to have your own personal space. You might want to do more things alone than with company. It is more difficult than previous years for those who are single to find the right partner.
Health:
Average. Be more cautious if there are elders at home. Elders at home are more prone to have health problems or being accident-prone. Look out for them.
People:
Though there is no significant increase of betrayals or backstabbings this year, do be careful of your own behavior. Do not be rude to others even when you wish to be left alone.
Action:
Put a metallic pagoda in your wealth area. Carry a jade Pixiu with you
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Roller-Coaster Ride
Guess I will stop blogging for a while. I feel like my emotions are on a roller-coaster ride, given all the false hopes. It seems like everytime when my feelings are elated and confident, something happens to make us argue real bad and make me feel totally depressed. But then, after a few days, he does or say something to make me trust him again that our marriage is back on stability and just when I start feeling good... The depressive cycle starts again...
Bought Sun Ho's album today. Nice collections of songs...
Baku turn 28 today. Happy Birthday... Although I am not sure what your birthday wish is, I do hope it is good and that your wish will come true... You are one step more matured, I am still in my early twenties, that is perhaps why it seems like we can't get along well anymore...
Friday, April 06, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
From Me To Him
Despite everything that has happened that has affect our marriage in one way or another, I still love you and have never regretted marrying you...
Despite that you have become a totally new person now, I still love you and have never regretted marrying you...
Despite the fact that miss the old you, I still love you and have never regretted marrying you...
I would just patiently wait for you to return back to your old self unless you tell me not to wait anymore...
I would stand by you while you try to return back to your old self unless you tell me that your heart is no longer with me...
Loving you always and forever...
Despite that you have become a totally new person now, I still love you and have never regretted marrying you...
Despite the fact that miss the old you, I still love you and have never regretted marrying you...
I would just patiently wait for you to return back to your old self unless you tell me not to wait anymore...
I would stand by you while you try to return back to your old self unless you tell me that your heart is no longer with me...
Loving you always and forever...
Monday, April 02, 2007
Tattoo Done
Finally, I had to ultimate guts to get myself to undergo the pain and process of tattooing A thought I had been contemplating for months. Expensive and painful ah... Got slight bleeding during the process also...
Yes, I am no longer what people say as broken eyebrow. I had my eyebrow tattoo-ed today after work. The process was took around 2 hours, including the shaping, plucking and tattooing. Although lignocaine cream was applied, I could still feel the stinging pain especially when it was at the top of the eyebrow. The pain was kind of bearable and not as bad as I thought. However, the stinging after-sensation is still present until now.
I have to go for the 2nd session in May for touch-up. Hopefully, the pain wouldn't be as bad as today. The tattoo is said to last me for 2-3yrs. Currently, the colour is very dark but according to the beautician, the color will slowly fade after 1 week to suit my skin colour. Hope so, don't want my endurance of pain and money to go to waste...
Yes, I am no longer what people say as broken eyebrow. I had my eyebrow tattoo-ed today after work. The process was took around 2 hours, including the shaping, plucking and tattooing. Although lignocaine cream was applied, I could still feel the stinging pain especially when it was at the top of the eyebrow. The pain was kind of bearable and not as bad as I thought. However, the stinging after-sensation is still present until now.
I have to go for the 2nd session in May for touch-up. Hopefully, the pain wouldn't be as bad as today. The tattoo is said to last me for 2-3yrs. Currently, the colour is very dark but according to the beautician, the color will slowly fade after 1 week to suit my skin colour. Hope so, don't want my endurance of pain and money to go to waste...
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