I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Friday, March 31, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
My Latest Song Craze
Video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pHwxIOCVHA&search=how%20could%20you%20say%20love%20me
Lyrics:
You say that you've always been true
Looking in your eyes i see you lie
You're trying hard to hide
That there's someone new you found and
You want me to believe that you still care
How can you hurt me this way
Everything i knew was loving you
How could you try pretending
Your love was never ending
Now you can't even say that you will stay
Chorus:
How, how could you say you love me
When you would go and leave me
How could you make me hurt so bad
When i have loved you more than anyone can do
Can't believe the pain
That i'm feeling now because of loving you
I can't seem to understand
How can love be so unkind
Still you broke my heart despite what i've done
Still my love was not enough
Though i've given you my all
I can't take it anymore
First heard this song when I was in Philippines and came to Singapore trying to find it. Finally, after months of searching. I have found it. So now, daily I am bursting my lungs singing and blasting this song. Hope I don't get sore throat from singing all the high notes of this song. Lol!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pHwxIOCVHA&search=how%20could%20you%20say%20love%20me
Lyrics:
You say that you've always been true
Looking in your eyes i see you lie
You're trying hard to hide
That there's someone new you found and
You want me to believe that you still care
How can you hurt me this way
Everything i knew was loving you
How could you try pretending
Your love was never ending
Now you can't even say that you will stay
Chorus:
How, how could you say you love me
When you would go and leave me
How could you make me hurt so bad
When i have loved you more than anyone can do
Can't believe the pain
That i'm feeling now because of loving you
I can't seem to understand
How can love be so unkind
Still you broke my heart despite what i've done
Still my love was not enough
Though i've given you my all
I can't take it anymore
First heard this song when I was in Philippines and came to Singapore trying to find it. Finally, after months of searching. I have found it. So now, daily I am bursting my lungs singing and blasting this song. Hope I don't get sore throat from singing all the high notes of this song. Lol!
Monday, March 27, 2006
To Stay Or Quit
Some unhappy event happened between my ADN (assistant director of nursing) and me lately. This had led me thinking if I should leave my company or not. Of course, it is not just because of my latest brush of unhappiness with her that I am leaving, there are more stuff that makes me want to leave. However, if I quit, that means that I am going start from scratch again: looking for job, interview, (if successful) reorganize, re-socialize and re-start my life again.
Frankly, I have gone through some books on resignation letter writing and been organizing my thoughts on when I am going to tender it in. I have also been pondering on where to find my next career in. I am not sure when I would be typing out that letter and stuff... Just so upset and confused!
If I leave, I am going to miss a whole bunch of nice people. Going to miss fun times with my colleagues, especially those from Ward 11. It may sound like I am so fake as I have complaining a lot about my work and my NM Chan. But after sitting down and thinking things through, I realize that afterall, they ain't that bad. I had my fair share of fun, playing, joking, fooling around, gossiping and 'teasing' one another with dirty jokes about sex and stuff. Pretty fun! Not to forget, those times when NM Chan ain't around with really 'manage' the ward on our own with pizza treats, KFC and Macdonalds. Then, times when everyone comes back from break or those who come in Nigth Duty, signalling if NM Chan has left the ward or not... Going to miss those fun times.
If I don't leave, I would be stuck in a stupid management system hospital. I really don't see my future in this hospital. I can't stand all the favouritism and biasness. I hate it that you are forced to respect your management when it is totally so ****ed up. Plus, all the senseless greeting of superior when they don't even deserve any respect at all. Then, if you don't greet them, they mark you down and try to find fault with you. I remember someone who is more superior than me, she told that my ROM isn't important and I don't have the rights to 'prepare' myself for it. So pissed off and yet I can't argue with her as she is my superior.
When I think of all the negative part of my working life, I really feel like tendering a stat resignation letter and leave immediately. But when I think of all those fun times, it really holds me back. I worry that I would have difficulty finding a better future and I worry that I won't also enjoy myself as much as I am enjoying currently with my ward colleagues. They know how to comfort you when you are down and being reprimanded by NM Chan. They also know how to support you in times of need. Genuine or not, I can't be bothered... as long as I know they made the effort to at least care about you. For example:
1) making milo when knowing that the other party is hungry or has been working her ass off until she forgets her meals.
2) asking if the other party needs anything from the main block when walking over to buy stuff.
3) sms-ing one another showing concern when the other party is ill or unwell.
4) sayang-ing the other party after been scolded by our superior or when patients 'bully' us.
How? So should I leave or not? I know it would be useless speaking to NM Chan about this matter. She is so hack care about it. Anyway, heard she is resigning soon also, so why should she care...
Dilemma.
Frankly, I have gone through some books on resignation letter writing and been organizing my thoughts on when I am going to tender it in. I have also been pondering on where to find my next career in. I am not sure when I would be typing out that letter and stuff... Just so upset and confused!
If I leave, I am going to miss a whole bunch of nice people. Going to miss fun times with my colleagues, especially those from Ward 11. It may sound like I am so fake as I have complaining a lot about my work and my NM Chan. But after sitting down and thinking things through, I realize that afterall, they ain't that bad. I had my fair share of fun, playing, joking, fooling around, gossiping and 'teasing' one another with dirty jokes about sex and stuff. Pretty fun! Not to forget, those times when NM Chan ain't around with really 'manage' the ward on our own with pizza treats, KFC and Macdonalds. Then, times when everyone comes back from break or those who come in Nigth Duty, signalling if NM Chan has left the ward or not... Going to miss those fun times.
If I don't leave, I would be stuck in a stupid management system hospital. I really don't see my future in this hospital. I can't stand all the favouritism and biasness. I hate it that you are forced to respect your management when it is totally so ****ed up. Plus, all the senseless greeting of superior when they don't even deserve any respect at all. Then, if you don't greet them, they mark you down and try to find fault with you. I remember someone who is more superior than me, she told that my ROM isn't important and I don't have the rights to 'prepare' myself for it. So pissed off and yet I can't argue with her as she is my superior.
When I think of all the negative part of my working life, I really feel like tendering a stat resignation letter and leave immediately. But when I think of all those fun times, it really holds me back. I worry that I would have difficulty finding a better future and I worry that I won't also enjoy myself as much as I am enjoying currently with my ward colleagues. They know how to comfort you when you are down and being reprimanded by NM Chan. They also know how to support you in times of need. Genuine or not, I can't be bothered... as long as I know they made the effort to at least care about you. For example:
1) making milo when knowing that the other party is hungry or has been working her ass off until she forgets her meals.
2) asking if the other party needs anything from the main block when walking over to buy stuff.
3) sms-ing one another showing concern when the other party is ill or unwell.
4) sayang-ing the other party after been scolded by our superior or when patients 'bully' us.
How? So should I leave or not? I know it would be useless speaking to NM Chan about this matter. She is so hack care about it. Anyway, heard she is resigning soon also, so why should she care...
Dilemma.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Peppermint Ice Cream
Thanks to my close friend, cum mei mei, Geraldine, I managed to get a change of blog skin to something simpler and more individualistic. I love this new blog skin because it features my favorite ice cream- Peppermint Ice Cream.
Anyway, I am currrently on HL for a concussion I substained due to some accident in my ward. Lol, so if one day I happen to forget who you are or where I am suddenly, please kindly remind me and don't blame me. Juz kidding... of course those stuff and people that are meant to be forgotten will be gradually forgotten and those whom people or event that I chose to remember will always be remembered for life.
Currently, in the midst of wondering if I should leave my company for a better 8-5 job. In that way, I can meet Baku more often as well as the time for meeting would be easier to arrange. Kind of sick and tired of doing shift work. I love night shift but I hate morning shift. Moreover, I would be soon to married, I guess I shouldn't be leaving Baku to fend for himself especially when years later and we would be having our own house. I would have to the basic duty of a wife, right? Housework, groceries shopping, cooking and stuff... Actually, I don't really mind doing the role of a wife for him... Love him to bits afterall. When you love someone so freaking much, I guess you are willing to sacrifice for him as long as it is not too demanding.
At the same time, my current company is like 'threatening' me that I won't be able to find a job if I resign. The recommendation letter and stuff... Looks like they wouldn't be giving me a good testimonial if I leave. Without their good recommendation letter, other companies may not hire me. *Sigh*
Never mind, I shall just that resignation stuff till June. In the meantime, just concentrate on getting my health in a better state and look forward to my ROM...
Anyway, I am currrently on HL for a concussion I substained due to some accident in my ward. Lol, so if one day I happen to forget who you are or where I am suddenly, please kindly remind me and don't blame me. Juz kidding... of course those stuff and people that are meant to be forgotten will be gradually forgotten and those whom people or event that I chose to remember will always be remembered for life.
Currently, in the midst of wondering if I should leave my company for a better 8-5 job. In that way, I can meet Baku more often as well as the time for meeting would be easier to arrange. Kind of sick and tired of doing shift work. I love night shift but I hate morning shift. Moreover, I would be soon to married, I guess I shouldn't be leaving Baku to fend for himself especially when years later and we would be having our own house. I would have to the basic duty of a wife, right? Housework, groceries shopping, cooking and stuff... Actually, I don't really mind doing the role of a wife for him... Love him to bits afterall. When you love someone so freaking much, I guess you are willing to sacrifice for him as long as it is not too demanding.
At the same time, my current company is like 'threatening' me that I won't be able to find a job if I resign. The recommendation letter and stuff... Looks like they wouldn't be giving me a good testimonial if I leave. Without their good recommendation letter, other companies may not hire me. *Sigh*
Never mind, I shall just that resignation stuff till June. In the meantime, just concentrate on getting my health in a better state and look forward to my ROM...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Romance
ROMANCE 101
The art of romance can cost next to nothing at all if you follow what the experts suggest:
1. Remember special occasions.
2. Get physical: hug, kiss, touch, wrestle and tickle.
3. Give each other little surprise each other.
4. Write him mushy messages on Post-Its, and hide them for him to find during the course of the day.
5. Set aside at least an hour of uninterrupted time for one another every day.
6. Be spontaneous. Invite him to slow-dance in the hall, or go out for drive, or even supper.
7. Be generous with affirmation and pay him nice compliments. .
8. Show some respect. Seek each other’s opinions on matters; ask for advice on issues, share dreams and aspirations.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
Opposite Poles Attracts
Yesterday at work, I realized a very cruel fact... Opposite poles really do attract!
Okie, here goes why I conclude to such a statement:
I had a patient who is an average looking secondary school teacher, divorcee and she was super grouchy, irritating, rude and super duper arrogant. The way she talks is like she has got some 'air' and as nurses we are just her servants. So yeah, on Monday and Tuesday, she has some conference meeting to attend but as she had traveled to Bangkok and came back with high fever + cough, thus, she had to be isolated for suspected bird flu until tests clear her the suspected bird flu virus. However, the test cannot be done until Monday. That means she can only be discharged by Thursday or Friday. Of course, the doctors won't let her discharge especially with her still on-going fever. She was really unhappy (duh!) and ventilated her frustrations on my EN Eva and me, trying to find fault with us the whole afternoon. She wanted to know her test results and read her casenotes... That is not possible! Thus, I asked her to consult the doctors the next day to explain her results and address all her concerns. That added on to her agitation and she sulked thereafter.
In the evening, a quite good looking + fit looking north indian guy who I guess should be her boyfriend came and spoke to me. He was very understanding and apologized to me for the patient's attitude and behaviour. He was told me to ignore the patient as she was being very grouchy and ask the doctor to not discharge her until the reason for fever has been properly determined. He was worried that if she discharges before being diagnosed with the right illness, she may not rest at home and may spread any potential virus to unsuspecting people in contact with her.
See! Such a vast difference in personality and character with the guy and the woman! Then, to even more made me feel that opposites do attract is Baku and me.
I am a damn't bitch with a totally sucky character while Baku is a pretty patient and nice person unless he is agitated with poor service.
Haha... yet we are still going to get ROM and so much in love...
Hence... OPPOSITE REALLY DO ATTRACT!!!
Okie, here goes why I conclude to such a statement:
I had a patient who is an average looking secondary school teacher, divorcee and she was super grouchy, irritating, rude and super duper arrogant. The way she talks is like she has got some 'air' and as nurses we are just her servants. So yeah, on Monday and Tuesday, she has some conference meeting to attend but as she had traveled to Bangkok and came back with high fever + cough, thus, she had to be isolated for suspected bird flu until tests clear her the suspected bird flu virus. However, the test cannot be done until Monday. That means she can only be discharged by Thursday or Friday. Of course, the doctors won't let her discharge especially with her still on-going fever. She was really unhappy (duh!) and ventilated her frustrations on my EN Eva and me, trying to find fault with us the whole afternoon. She wanted to know her test results and read her casenotes... That is not possible! Thus, I asked her to consult the doctors the next day to explain her results and address all her concerns. That added on to her agitation and she sulked thereafter.
In the evening, a quite good looking + fit looking north indian guy who I guess should be her boyfriend came and spoke to me. He was very understanding and apologized to me for the patient's attitude and behaviour. He was told me to ignore the patient as she was being very grouchy and ask the doctor to not discharge her until the reason for fever has been properly determined. He was worried that if she discharges before being diagnosed with the right illness, she may not rest at home and may spread any potential virus to unsuspecting people in contact with her.
See! Such a vast difference in personality and character with the guy and the woman! Then, to even more made me feel that opposites do attract is Baku and me.
I am a damn't bitch with a totally sucky character while Baku is a pretty patient and nice person unless he is agitated with poor service.
Haha... yet we are still going to get ROM and so much in love...
Hence... OPPOSITE REALLY DO ATTRACT!!!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
My Wish For You
My Wish For You:
When you are lonely
I wish you love
When you are down
I wish you joy
When you are troubled
I wish you peace
When things are complicated
I wish you simple beauty
When things are chaotic
I wish you inner silence
When things look empty
I wish you hope
When you are lonely
I wish you love
When you are down
I wish you joy
When you are troubled
I wish you peace
When things are complicated
I wish you simple beauty
When things are chaotic
I wish you inner silence
When things look empty
I wish you hope
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Why?
Came across someone's blog yesterday night and I became pretty 'disturbed' by one of the comments made on that person's blog. The statements goes like this... Amelia: fuck me and my memory-go have a happy life
Woah! Kind of strong words used there. Anyway... I don't understand nor know why that person made such a comment. I didn't even offend or say anything to hurt that person. I just hope that I am not the only Amelia that he/she knows and he/she is not referring to me.
Too bad that Wombat ain't around for me to whine and complaint to. Otherwise, I would ventilate all my queries at her and hoping that she would give me a reasonable answer to my questions.
Woah! Kind of strong words used there. Anyway... I don't understand nor know why that person made such a comment. I didn't even offend or say anything to hurt that person. I just hope that I am not the only Amelia that he/she knows and he/she is not referring to me.
Too bad that Wombat ain't around for me to whine and complaint to. Otherwise, I would ventilate all my queries at her and hoping that she would give me a reasonable answer to my questions.
Friday, March 10, 2006
2 Months Before I Leave Singlehood Behind
Okie. Today marks my 2 months before I enter a new phrase of my life.
Anyway, had lunch with Geraldine at Cafe Cartel and the food SUCKS big time. I had the steak while Geraldine had grilled chicken. The food was horrid, except for the drinks and bread. Haha, speaking of bread, there was a lady who pushed me aside just to 'snatch' the chance of getting to the free flow of bread. I was so fed up, I lieterally pushed her back and grabbed the bread instead.
By the way, I just came back from a swim with Baku. Been a long time since I last swam. I am also freaking full with sushi from Sakae Sushi as dinner.
Tomorrow would be a busy and hectic day for work. Long long long story...
Anyway, had lunch with Geraldine at Cafe Cartel and the food SUCKS big time. I had the steak while Geraldine had grilled chicken. The food was horrid, except for the drinks and bread. Haha, speaking of bread, there was a lady who pushed me aside just to 'snatch' the chance of getting to the free flow of bread. I was so fed up, I lieterally pushed her back and grabbed the bread instead.
By the way, I just came back from a swim with Baku. Been a long time since I last swam. I am also freaking full with sushi from Sakae Sushi as dinner.
Tomorrow would be a busy and hectic day for work. Long long long story...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Cannot Eat Grape, Say Grape Sour
Well.. tomorrow is my 2 months countdown to my ROM and no, I am least excited at all. Anyway, guess everything is in place except my wedding bands doesn't fit me anymore as I have loss some weight, my ordering of flowers, the transportation and lastly our 'honeymoon' destination of tour booking.
By the way, in my ward is a grouchy old hag who is bitter and sour as Lili (other of my ward colleague) and me are preparing for our ROM (her ROM is just 3 days before mine). So everytime, we chat in the tea-room or in the ward about wedding, the grouchy old hag would be face charcoal black and sulking. At times, she would shoot us a 'warning' look that says: "Stop the discussion before I scold the both of you." Thus, I think with my ward having 6 marriages in 2006, the grouchy old virgin hag is jealous that we can enjoy this joyous occasion and she is still unwanted at her age.
Oh yes, I dyed my hair. Kyreen brought me to her hair-stylist for a dye. Sshh.. I am not saying what colour I had dyed. Haha... hopefully after a few more wash, the colour would be up to my expectations. Hee hee...
By the way, in my ward is a grouchy old hag who is bitter and sour as Lili (other of my ward colleague) and me are preparing for our ROM (her ROM is just 3 days before mine). So everytime, we chat in the tea-room or in the ward about wedding, the grouchy old hag would be face charcoal black and sulking. At times, she would shoot us a 'warning' look that says: "Stop the discussion before I scold the both of you." Thus, I think with my ward having 6 marriages in 2006, the grouchy old virgin hag is jealous that we can enjoy this joyous occasion and she is still unwanted at her age.
Oh yes, I dyed my hair. Kyreen brought me to her hair-stylist for a dye. Sshh.. I am not saying what colour I had dyed. Haha... hopefully after a few more wash, the colour would be up to my expectations. Hee hee...
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Bridal Studio
Yesterday evening, I was with my parents, grandma, aunt and Baku at Habour Cafe (Tanjong Pagar) for dinner. The food was kind of horrible but mum feels it is a nice place...
Anyway, Baku and I went to a few bridal studios to do our 'survey' for the future of our customary wedding. Out of the 3 we went, I found one studio which was very good, professional and the photos very well taken. Baku also felt the same way too. However, it is same bridal shop that was used by someone I know and let just say that I don't really like that person. But yet, the shop personel seems pretty good with the stuff he was presenting but the package price was kind of expensive but worth it.
Baku said it is up to me, if I am not comfortable with the idea of having the same bridal studio was that person, we would just 'kick' that bridal studio off our 'list'of potential bridal studios for considerations in the future.
Just unsure...
Anyway, Baku and I went to a few bridal studios to do our 'survey' for the future of our customary wedding. Out of the 3 we went, I found one studio which was very good, professional and the photos very well taken. Baku also felt the same way too. However, it is same bridal shop that was used by someone I know and let just say that I don't really like that person. But yet, the shop personel seems pretty good with the stuff he was presenting but the package price was kind of expensive but worth it.
Baku said it is up to me, if I am not comfortable with the idea of having the same bridal studio was that person, we would just 'kick' that bridal studio off our 'list'of potential bridal studios for considerations in the future.
Just unsure...
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Stuff That Happened
27 Feb: Was supposed to meet someone with Geraldine 1pm at Swensen Tampines but unsuccessful. Thus, instead I met Geraldine at Sengkang Swensen and yeah, lots of weird stuff happened after that. Watched FD3 (Final Destination 3) and it was a gruesome but nice show. I know Geraldine wasn't in the mood to watch as she was tramatised by the car accident that had happened before we could watch the movie. Anyway, no one in the car bothered if I was alright as the accident happened on the side I was sitting on.
28 Feb: Comforted Geraldine until 2am in the morning and woke up at 6am for work. Busy day at work as I was busy filing RMS for the night duty when it wasn't even my fault. Patient fell at 5am and I have to file the RMS 'cause the patient didn't tell anyone until the doctor's rounds were made. Then, I twisted/sprained/torn/strained/injured my right foot at 3pm, was given 2 days MC. NM Chan was as usual uncompassionate and nagged at me thinking that I had feigned the injury. F*** up!
1 March: That is today. So far, so good. Cross my fingers. Hopefully nothing will happen today, or am I supposed to experience all the bad things to happen to me daily. It has been since Monday, weird and all the bad stuff has been happening to me.
28 Feb: Comforted Geraldine until 2am in the morning and woke up at 6am for work. Busy day at work as I was busy filing RMS for the night duty when it wasn't even my fault. Patient fell at 5am and I have to file the RMS 'cause the patient didn't tell anyone until the doctor's rounds were made. Then, I twisted/sprained/torn/strained/injured my right foot at 3pm, was given 2 days MC. NM Chan was as usual uncompassionate and nagged at me thinking that I had feigned the injury. F*** up!
1 March: That is today. So far, so good. Cross my fingers. Hopefully nothing will happen today, or am I supposed to experience all the bad things to happen to me daily. It has been since Monday, weird and all the bad stuff has been happening to me.
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